The Puppy Blues

Izzy who must be part mountain goat gets on top of her crate.

Most of the blogs on puppies and posts on facebook pages I see (our breeder maintains a great FB page for puppy owners) tell only how wonderful the puppies are. I was just looking at one of the pages and saw this comment "and last night he started his journey to Canine Good Neighbor certification. He is only 15 weeks." This is one of Izzy's half-brothers. Izzy is so far from her Canine Good Citizen certifications. I then realized I am doing the same thing. Posting all the positive things and not the challenges. So today, my friends, I am here to talk about a real thing: the puppy blues. First, I want to make it clear, I do not regret my decision to get a puppy. I have fallen so in love with Izzy. She is amazing and is making so much progress. She is smart and sweet and funny. I haven't embellished any of my posts. She really is such a good puppy. If anything, I have understated how amazing I think she is. However, I am starting to see how so many teenagers end up in shelters. Having a puppy is not for the faint of heart. It seems like one behavior shows up and as we work on that, something totally new shows up. She is mouthy. She's a retriever so of course she is mouthy. I know that. My last puppy 35 years ago was a lab. Sundance chewed everything and me. We dealt with that for the first year. She didn't care when I did the typical recommendation of yelping like it hurt. I remember when she bit a trainer and he said I needed to hit her! I knew that wasn't right. We made it through and Sundance was an amazing companion. I had forgotten how tough it was though. Izzy doesn't care if I cry out either. Ignoring her works best and then rewarding her for not biting me and letting me pet her. But just when I think we have improved her biting, it gets worse again. It's not a lot of fun to have a puppy who bites you every time you try to interact with her. I think it's tougher this time as my skin is thinner. I am bleeding most days. Then there is the over-thinking. Am I teaching her that by biting and then stopping and sitting calmly, you get a treat?

One of the things I thought was great about Izzy was that she didn't bark and whine when she wanted something. Well, that started last week. If you want a glimpse into my world, turn up the volume on the video. So what do you do when they are biting or barking at you? I know you don't give them attention or you have reinforced it. Typically it means they need something. Do they need to go out? Are they hungry? Are they tired? Sometimes I figure it out, some time I have no clue. I feel terrible when I realize she is telling me she is hungry or thirsty or needs to go out and I am just frustrated and don't pick up on the reason. She will bark at the cats when I pet them. Is it jealousy? I don't know but that sure sets her back with GrayC and Stitch. They hate barking. While Christopher who I fondly call my "slow cat", is not terrified of Izzy, GrayC and Stitch are. Then there was the time I needed to move her and she had her frozen lunch in a freeze cup and she growled at me. My sweet little puppy growled at me. I know it was her way of communicating. I knew it was common in puppies but that didn't help. My puppy growled at me. Another thing to research and figure out how to address.

I've done posts on all the work I did to decide on a puppy and a breeder. I also read several puppy books and bought all the equipment I thought I would need. I couldn't wait to get her and work with her. All the videos I watch from trainers make it sound so easy. Just do this and you'll have the perfect puppy. I feel like it is wrong to have feelings of anxiety and frustration. She's a baby. A darling puppy. What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? She can't help being a puppy.

I had this plan for making her comfortable in a crate. While she is our priority, I thought after a few weeks, we could go out and dance for 2 - 3 hours. I miss dancing and all of my dance friends. Well, we have had her for 7 weeks and there is very little progress towards leaving her in a crate. She cries and whines and paces and paws when I try. I had no clue that would happen. I've been working with an excellent trainer but the progress is so slow. You read "embrace puppyhood". I am trying to. I know this will pass. I know she is amazing. Someday this will all be a distant memory and I will miss her being a puppy. In the meantime though we will probably be canceling our trip to Mexico in December.

We camped next to a dog trainer from Portland this year who I met last year camping at the same spot. She has a golden and we talked about how much I missed Emmi and about the search for a puppy. It was fun introducing her to Izzy and good to talk. I said nothing about how much work Izzy was but she said "we, as trainers, forget how much work a puppy is. They are a lot of work and having a puppy is hard". It helped me to hear that. To know even a professional dog trainer thinks it is hard. She gave me her card so we can keep in touch.

Yesterday a friend came over. Her puppy is now two. She seemed like she just breezed through puppyhood with Kiva but that wasn't the case. Kiva, too, was a lot of work and she had periods of feeling discouraged and frustrated. It helped so much to hear real accounts of the challenges she had and that they made it through.

There are actually some studies being done on the puppy blues. Psychology Today had an article about a study from Finland (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-dogs-go-to-heaven/202505/understanding-the-puppy-blues?msockid=207dab7869c269d627dfa5f0687168c8). They found several core components puppy owners can experience:

"From the analysis, the researchers identified three core emotional factors that consistently emerged in the responses: Frustration, Anxiety, and Weariness. These three components represent different dimensions of the puppy blues:

• Frustration: Feelings of irritation or helplessness stemming from a puppy’s behavior or training difficulties.

• Anxiety: Worry about being a "bad" dog owner, concern for the puppy’s well-being, or fear of not bonding properly.

• Weariness: Emotional and physical exhaustion due to the demanding nature of puppy care, especially in the early weeks."

While I do get frustrated, I think I am having more anxiety and weariness. I worry that I am making mistakes and ruining Izzy. That I am causing behavioral issues. That I got this perfect little puppy and I'm doing this all wrong. I rationally know I am not and that puppies are resilient but that doesn't help that I feel I am. I feel like I have done so much research and read so many books that I don't know what is up anymore. I am tired. I want to dance and walk. I want to cook without a puppy barking and whining at me. I want to see my friends. I'm worried about the cats.

So, I am talking to my dog people, getting support from my friends, taking a puppy kindergarten class, talking with other puppy owners and people who remember what puppies are like. I am trying to work on getting walks back in my life. Izzy can now walk about 45 minutes. Most sources on the Internet say 5 minutes of walking a month only...screw them. She is fine with going further. I'm finally realizing you need to do what works for you and your puppy. They are all unique. I am going dancing tomorrow night and Dave will babysit. He will go on Friday and I'll babysit. I am trying to embrace puppyhood. Some days are so good and some are so hard. Izzy is so cute and fun and it is such a short time. It's still hard though and it's ok. It will be worth it!

I posted this to let people know it's normal to have the puppy blues It doesn't mean you don't love your puppy. Reach out for support. It's ok. Don't give up. Puppies are resilient. You won't break them. Being worried shows how much you care. Some day you will forget how hard all of this was. Hang in there.

Izzy discovers the woodstove mantle.

Izzy's new behavior: demand barking. This drives me crazy.